“The plan was to drink until the pain is over, But what’s worse, the pain or the hangover?”

— Kanye West

On my journey of reestablishing my identity, I went through some rough growing pains. I went through the pain of ending relationships, recognizing I manifested false realities, accepting the things I can’t change and having to give up on a future that I thought gave my life purpose. Pain is defined as a signal from the nervous system that something is causing an unpleasant sensation or an emotional experience. We all know the pain from feeling sick or suffering from an injury. It takes a bit more exploration to identify the pain that people, places, and situations cause us. Subjecting ourselves to this repeated mental anguish can easily manifest itself into physical pain. Have you ever been so stressed that you create a headache or so upset that you make yourself vomit? I needed relief from the turmoil I was subjecting myself through day after day. Again, and again I tried to just “work through it” or “accept that’s just the way they are”. As soon as I focused my energy on myself it was evident the negative space these things were creating. For my mental health, I recognized that I needed to deal with the pain in order to be renewed.

There are 2 basic classifications of pain: acute pain and chronic pain. Acute pain lasts less than 6 months, is easily treated and usually resolves itself. Chronic pain lasts over 6 months, comes and goes without apparent reason and normally requires attention to resolve. I took each issue and placed it into one of the two categories. My lost relationships and redefining the purpose of my life fell into acute pain. I took a couple of weeks to feel bad for myself and analyze how to fill these voids in my life. Then I took that pain to motivate a career change and focused on being more supportive of the people in my life. Now my false realities and the things that I can’t change are my reoccurring chronic pains. Dealing with these two is still a work in progress and I recognize that’s okay. Knowing that they exist allows me to minimize the effect of the pain when I feel a flare-up coming or an unexpected attack. With my situations that cause chronic pain, I’m not looking to be completely cured. They are too deep-rooted and I need nurturing to heal.

For so long I ran from my pain in fear of things spiraling out of control. Little did I know that not dealing with the pain was causing more pain and problems. It’s like not wanting to break up with your partner, no matter how bad they are for you, in fear of the pain you will feel. Avoiding pain means you avoid the lesson there is to learn and the growth there is to make. There are times that I think about the things I let go of in life and wonder if it was the right decision. I am quickly reminded of how much better my mental health is and my ability to be present for those around me. Somethings aren’t to be forgotten no matter how much pain it caused. We need the reminder of the lessons we learned, the understanding we gained and how much better we are because of it. I am able to share my story and hopefully inspire others to not let the pain overshadow their purpose. 

Life is ten percent what you experience and ninety percent how you respond to it.

— Dorothy M. Neddermeyer.

Recently a beautiful soul confessed to me that they were suffering from anxiety. I was shocked by the news because I couldn’t see it. They are making strides in their career; their children are performing above average and they have a marriage that anyone would hope for. Then they continued to say: “I get very overwhelmed when I have too many things to do. Like shopping with a large grocery list… it becomes too much to handle, I forget things and I just feel drained.”  Anxiety is your body’s natural response to stress: intense, excessive, and persistent worry and fear. Hearing “I suffer from anxiety” automatically made me think they needed professional help and their life would be changed, but that wasn’t the case at all. It was just an opportunity to implement changes in their life in order to function at an optimal level. Truth is, I too experienced feeling overwhelmed and drained by certain tasks and situations. I decided for My Mental Health I will recognize what triggers my anxiety and how to reduce the effect it has on my life.

We have all fallen victim to the unmistakable life-altering pit in the stomach feeling that stress can cause. For some, there are activities, people, or places that automatically trigger this emotional rollercoaster. The majority of the time we are experiencing things by ourselves without a safety net or someone to guide us through it. When anxiety is building at work, I am blessed to have my husband to talk with. There are instances that I think he might judge me for letting material things or the lack of them stress me out and I choose to handle it internally. Once you have recognized the cause of your anxiety, it is important to devise a plan of action. It’s usually easiest to reach out to someone close to help work through your struggle. Unfortunately, not everyone is going to understand your feelings or emotions and provide the empathy you need. That doesn’t make them a bad person—they just need better understanding. For you, that means you need to explore alternate avenues to aid you in the navigation of this emotional highway and steer you to peace. There is yoga, support groups, meditation, therapist and much more. Do some research and find what works best for you.

It took me 6 months to apply for a home loan because the thought of being denied caused me crippling anxiety. Even after being approved, I am plagued with worry and doubt that we won’t find a house by May. I literally check Realator.com every two hours in fear that I might miss a house being posted and then boom—it’s already under contract. Today, I meditated to reduce my level of anxiety and the effect it was having on my mental health.  Don’t let anxiety get the best of you. We all experience it in different forms and degrees. Understanding the who, what, when, where and more importantly— how did I react. We don’t always have control of when things happen in life, but you can be better prepared to handle it. In this instance, it was best to scale back large amounts of work to break it up into smaller tasks. Therapists are really good at helping people identify and concur their fears.