“The plan was to drink until the pain is over, But what’s worse, the pain or the hangover?”

— Kanye West

On my journey of reestablishing my identity, I went through some rough growing pains. I went through the pain of ending relationships, recognizing I manifested false realities, accepting the things I can’t change and having to give up on a future that I thought gave my life purpose. Pain is defined as a signal from the nervous system that something is causing an unpleasant sensation or an emotional experience. We all know the pain from feeling sick or suffering from an injury. It takes a bit more exploration to identify the pain that people, places, and situations cause us. Subjecting ourselves to this repeated mental anguish can easily manifest itself into physical pain. Have you ever been so stressed that you create a headache or so upset that you make yourself vomit? I needed relief from the turmoil I was subjecting myself through day after day. Again, and again I tried to just “work through it” or “accept that’s just the way they are”. As soon as I focused my energy on myself it was evident the negative space these things were creating. For my mental health, I recognized that I needed to deal with the pain in order to be renewed.

There are 2 basic classifications of pain: acute pain and chronic pain. Acute pain lasts less than 6 months, is easily treated and usually resolves itself. Chronic pain lasts over 6 months, comes and goes without apparent reason and normally requires attention to resolve. I took each issue and placed it into one of the two categories. My lost relationships and redefining the purpose of my life fell into acute pain. I took a couple of weeks to feel bad for myself and analyze how to fill these voids in my life. Then I took that pain to motivate a career change and focused on being more supportive of the people in my life. Now my false realities and the things that I can’t change are my reoccurring chronic pains. Dealing with these two is still a work in progress and I recognize that’s okay. Knowing that they exist allows me to minimize the effect of the pain when I feel a flare-up coming or an unexpected attack. With my situations that cause chronic pain, I’m not looking to be completely cured. They are too deep-rooted and I need nurturing to heal.

For so long I ran from my pain in fear of things spiraling out of control. Little did I know that not dealing with the pain was causing more pain and problems. It’s like not wanting to break up with your partner, no matter how bad they are for you, in fear of the pain you will feel. Avoiding pain means you avoid the lesson there is to learn and the growth there is to make. There are times that I think about the things I let go of in life and wonder if it was the right decision. I am quickly reminded of how much better my mental health is and my ability to be present for those around me. Somethings aren’t to be forgotten no matter how much pain it caused. We need the reminder of the lessons we learned, the understanding we gained and how much better we are because of it. I am able to share my story and hopefully inspire others to not let the pain overshadow their purpose.